The Last Rites

I had a dream in which Gordon Brown stood up in the Commons and declared that Better Together had failed. It was wrong to scare people and lie about Scotland’s potential so he was announcing today that was leading a one-man crusade to bring Devo Max to Scotland, to be worked out and enacted before the next election.


It was called Home Rule and would deliver devolution of all tax raising powers with welfare, job creation and a guaranteed say in foreign affairs and a seat at the Bank of England and a commitment to rid the Clyde of nuclear weapons in 10 years. No real Labour person, himself included should ever take a seat in the Lords again. He was proposing the same measures for Wales and demanded a national promotion of powers and civil service and quango jobs out of London to the English regions. The number of Scottish MPs would be halved.


‘I invite everyone in this House to back me. I challenge the government to resist! Let us save the United Kingdom and our democracy for all of Britain at the same time…’

When I awoke on the sofa Gordon was indeed doing his James Maxton impression but was offering…a timetable.

In our hour of need the greatest living Scotsman (copyright GBrown) was using his towering intellect (copyright GBrown) to deliver us…a planning grid. It is the Calendar of Destiny.

*On this day limited tax raising powers will be debated with all sorts of people.

*On another day, something in the House of Commons will happen and Labour MPs will cheer.

*Still later (turning pages of Pearl Dragon Chinese Restaurant calendar, Kirkcaldy) you will realise that the block grant will be reduced.

It is People’s Democracy in the raw. He invokes a(nother) national hero.

‘Fellow Scots. You know me as William Wallace. Today, as the enemy awaits across the moor and our freedom is at stake, I hold before you the Clipboard of History.’ (Cheers). ‘With this cherished document we will chart the days and public holidays until the English oppressor can safely forget all about us…’

Britain today became the scene of a Monty Python re-enactment in which the ex Labour Prime Minister spoke on behalf of the Tory government in order to stymie the wishes of the Scottish people. And it was done AFTER many of our fellow Scots have already voted. If there is road out of this withering denunciation of everything Labour once stood for, it may be collective euthanasia.

To me, a non-Labour person, this is treachery of the long history of the working people’s party, making it indistinguishable from the Conservatives with only stand-alone gimmick initiatives stuck like pimples on the face of the British Establishment.

We are witnessing at this time both the birth of a new democracy in Scotland and the death of Labour. I can think of no more lugubrious undertaker than the failed Radical, failed Socialist, failed Chancellor and failed Prime Minister.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

42 thoughts on “The Last Rites

  1. Absolutely devastating demolition of this self important relic of past failures!

  2. As a former Labour man it pains me to say it, but the Labour Party died the day Blair sent troops to Iraq. It had been stumbling along like a wounded animal until Blair finally put it out of its misery. All that is left is a husk, designed to deliver the careerists to take their turn at the trough. Hopefully LFI will be the catalyst for a rebirth, but it may have to dump a toxic brand to be taken seriously by the Scottish public.

    • I’d say Labour died in the early 1990s when Gordon Brown was converted to Thatcherism. Or in the 1960s with Harold Wilson’s strike-breaking tactics. Or in the 1920s with Ramsay MacDonald’s shining example. Not much of a record to be proud of.

  3. Labour still have no answer as to why it is better for us (their speak) to get English Tory governments than ever one elected entirely by Scots.
    The only explanation I can come up with is when they say us,they really mean British Labour politicians and their hangers on.
    There can be no other logical explanation.
    I share your views on Broon and his friends.
    Thanks Derek

  4. I think you have got that just right. Thanks for all your articles which I never miss but don’t usually comment on.

  5. Off topic, Derek, but I;m still reeling from watchung the extended Reporting Scotland tonight,
    Example. Remember the completely invented “scots won’t get cross-border transplants any more” claim? The organisation that co-ordinates transplants immediately and firmly denied this, and in fact committed to continuing.
    What do we have in the studio but a giant graphic representing transplants, and big numbers showing how generous the rUK is with its organd to Scotland : NO MENTION THAT THIS WAS COMPLETELY DEBUNKED. It’s invemted, Derek, It NEVER EXISTED as an issue. So why are they shoing it? Well watch it — watch how the presenter slides away from transplants just at the point where she should be saying it’s literally a non-issue…. instead she segyes smoothly into “this needs reasearch” and off we go on a wee package tour all about how expensive medical reasearch is and how Worried Doctors Fear we won;t have any well-researched organs.

    The crudest propaganda. One completely highly emotive and totally debunked campaign line that was never anything but fantasy, being presented as an issue and being elided with another contrived campaign point.
    Still speechless at the crudity of this propagandia fearbombing.

    • I saw that stuff about transplants. I sent a wee note to the YES campaign suggesting that they go for a High Court injunction against BT telling lies a couple of days ago and this one just adds to the list.
      I do not suppose that they will. We are too nice.
      The earlier interview with the business lassie was also revealing. What started this morning as a suggestion that the poll had precipitated a weakening of the pound sterling against the dollar, seems to have become fact. Next question, handily put up by the presenter “How will this affect the pound in your pocket”. Answer: Well if you are going on holiday you will get fewer cowrie shells…”
      And the shares of Scottish companies have crashed as well. No one thinks that Standard Life “investors” may be profit taking? Or that they are reporting on what is the meat and drink of the City, that is, shares going up and down so bulls and bears can take turns at the trough? No it is all the fault of the damn Scots even thinking about voting YES.
      Nothing to do with Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, eh?
      Nothing to do with a stronger dollar on US economic recovery and fracking?
      Nothing to do with speculators up to their usual?
      If you want to see what a real slump against the dollar looks like (and a few % up or down is a trivial blip) look at a 10 year graph of £ against $, I would draw your attention to the period 2008/09.

      If you want to see what really spectacular ups and downs look like, buy a yo-yo.

  6. The Acid Test:

    In the event of Yes winning the referendum,name the Labour MPs and MSPs you wish to join the Scottish political team tasked with negotiating with rUK.

  7. Mr Brown is more clever than you think. He is on a tour under the Better Together and Vote NO campaign. This is a clever subterfuge. The truth is he is on a promotional tour promoting not the “Clipboard of Destiny” or any other clipboard. No he is trying to sell his book;

    Gordon Brown at the Volunteer Hall, Galashiels, 6.30pm on Saturday 13th September
    As part of his whistle-stop campaign across the nation, Gordon Brown will come to Galashiels to make the positive case for a new Scotland, a new union with England, Wales and Northern Ireland and a reinvigorated Scottish Parliament.

    With only four days to go to Scotland’s date with destiny, in what has been a passionately argued, involving and fascinating debate, Gordon Brown will unpack the ideas in his new book, and will also be happy to take questions and comments from the floor.

    After the hour-long event, Gordon will be happy to sign copies of his book.

    Entry to this event is FREE, but ticketed. To get your free ticket(s) please register at with your name, address and number of tickets required.

  8. After saving the world from financial meltdown (according to GB), Superbroon is now going to save the union (according to GB). Fresh from the totally despicable, referendum gutter tactics of frightening older people about their pensions, and parents of children with serious illnesses about their treatment at Great Ormond Street Hospital, Brown is now going to bring us news of the starting gun, provide information about a Command Paper and deliver the details of a timetable. But, look underneath the cloak of many colours – the king has no clothes – and the devolution proposals look pretty threadbare as well. Shame on the former prime minister and his Labour Party – offering a few shiny beads for the natives, and shed loads of disrespect to the people of Scotland and disregard to our ambition.

  9. Came away from shouting, outraged at the C4 television interview with G Brown to read your post. Thankfully you were able to put words round my anger. Well said Derek.

    Grateful again for your blog.

  10. I don’t have a TV and I am outraged, shouting.

    A timetable with just ten days to go when they have had two whole years to make a decent offer? What is any word these people say worth? Not even a falling in value penny.

  11. A few weeks ago I wasn’t sure of my work commitments for late September, I considered the possibility of getting a postal vote.

    I decided against it because I reckoned I could find time to get to the polling station on the day. It is also such an anticipated date and I wanted the full ritualistic process of putting on my best suit, the walk, the canvassers – the full sense of history being made.

    What a close call, I can’t believe I might have voted already. I was a committed Yes and would have voted that way by post. Talk about narrow escapes, only because I waited until the 18th can I now change my mind. It’s NO for me now.

    Because, that big chief man, the one who saved the world, has now promised us some more shiny beads. I know he said before we would get some but it was a secret how many we would get. I didn’t really believe him so I said I would vote YES.

    But now he’s on the telly and we’re getting more than that secret number – it sounds like it might be a lot. Not only that but he said he had a timetable he would show me so I would know when we were going to actually get these shiny beads. They’re getting wrapped up in a white paper.

    Jeez! To think I could have missed this if I’d already voted YES.

  12. I noticed the Reporting Scotland bit about share organ banks after Independence. The myth that Scotland would be refused organs from England has been debunked by

    “Good afternoon,
    Thank you for your recent telephone call to the NHSBT Donor Line.
    I can confirm that Scottish independence will not affect organ donation and the system will continue as it does currently.
    I hope this answers your query, please let me know if you require any further information and I will be happy to help.
    Kind regards,
    Tom Kempster
    ODR Assistant
    NHS Blood and Transplant
    Organ Donation and Transplantation Directorate
    Fox Den Road
    Stoke Gifford
    BS34 8RR”

  13. ” I hold before you the Clipboard of History.” Love it.

  14. time table


  15. What the hell was that i just watched so were to put our trust in a goverment that openly massages the figures on oil lies about us being subsidy junkies now they tell us we’ll get inconsequential token powers that do nothing for the people of scotland and also probably effect the block grant negativlley and they get to keep the oil we should trust them TRUST THEM!!!!! never never again will i put my trust in the labour party everthing that they once stood for has decayed to show that deep down the leadership in labour and tory are EXACTLY the same, and one more thing is there going to be a 50 minute party political broadcast for yes?? thought not ,one more thing havent they broken referendum rules by making new offers during the purdah peroid something has to be done about this NOW!!!!

  16. I was never a Labour man, but well recall Wilson & Callaghan doing their best for a country (albeit struggling with TUC power) when in my teens. To see their tawdry sidling up with the Tories, on top of their damnable conduct in government from Iraq/Afghanistan onwards + their ineffectual team at Holyrood & singularly hideous performance throughout this campaign, I accept an old institution has now effectively ended.

    • YES now lets rid ourselves of all the ‘old institutions’ including the Westminster type politics we have copied in Scotland. YES for Scotland no to old politics Scotland out of Europe.

  17. Do not forget regardless of their timetable does anyone believe that English MPs are going to pass any of their nonsense and even if by chance they should how do you think our noble lords will react? There is not a snowballs chance that anything meaningful will ever come out of Gordys initiative

  18. I wish I had time to comment on blogs these days. Keep em coming Derek and others, at least I can have a quick read between leafleting runs. Currently doing a home print run of Wee Blue Books for the local sheltered housing, partly for the larger print, but mainly to eke out my supply so I can pass more on to other activists. (Thinking, I don’t know how many of the residents have already voted, bit of a waste to give a WBB to someone who’s done that.)

    Started doing the main village here on Saturday. Went to church on Sunday, while one of our Plaid Cymru volunteers did another leafleting run. This evening, I was told that one of the church elders, an academic and a very clear thinker, had read the thing when he found it waiting for him, followed up the references, and is now a Yes. In 24 hours. Christ on a bike.

  19. Perfect.
    I’ve just been reading the Wings coverage and your view is a fantastic glimpse at the reality of the situation.

  20. Gordon Brown and his colleagues are like those timeshare salespeople that will simply never stop trying to flog a poor deal.

    There are enough good quality Labour people supporting independence to make me believe they can start anew. They need the space to show what they can offer.

  21. Does Gordon’s timetable say when the Gravy Train reaches the terminus? 10pm on 18th September?

  22. I have no respect for anyone like Brown with no morals, integrity and is a bully.

  23. I feel sure that you are confusing John Maxton, raised to the peerage as Baron Maxton of Blackwaterfoot in Ayrshire and Arran in 2004, with his far more radical and principled relative Jimmy Maxton, one of the original Red Clydesiders.Your anger at Brown is wholly justified but he appears more often in Westminster in dreams than in reality.

    Brown, who has recently described himself as an ex-politician and continues to draw a parliamentary salary and is doubtless in receipt of considerable benefits as an ex PM, will doubtless end up in the Lords, if the YES campaign does not stymie that particular destination. He seems a rather unlikely successor to Lord Home of the Hirsel who was the last ex-Prime Minister to promise his fellow countrymen and women with unspecified benefits in exchange for their votes.
    “Fool me once , shame on you. Fool me twice , shame on me”

  24. The disservice to the Scottish people being perpetrated by the MSM is shameful. Even Channel 4 News seems to have joined the pack. Thanks for your articulation of the anger and frustration caused by this con trick by the man who was ultimately responsible for ‘9/11, a good day to get out bad news’.

  25. Disinterested English

    Yeah whatever. You’re starting to wake up us really-couldn’t-give-a-shit English types with the possibility of committing mutual financial suicide. Is there any chance you could peer over the chips on both shoulders (perfectly balanced opinion) and borrow a calculator? Muppet.

  26. Yep, Labour propose to draft a bill for discussion amongst a select group of individuals who will have their office shredders at the ready. Its beyond ‘YES’ minister parody. Trust me, I’m shaking my head in disbelief right now. In fact I’ve been in danger of serious whiplash .for the past hour as I’ve scanned a few sites already on discussing Gordo’s latest intervention. Meanwhile back at the ranch Ed Balls says…”Labour is not planning on negotiating the first Queen’s Speech of the next Labour government with David Cameron and George Osborne”.

    It appears that counter to Mr Osborne’s claims there have been no cross party discussions on last minute offers of new powers. Which of course would cast some degree of doubt on the electoral process had it been true, seeing as how postal votes had already been cast by this point. Mind you that’s ok, because obviously nobody really believed there were ever any new or significant plans for devo whatever anyway. 🙂

    A wee snippet of news:

    If yougov created the stooshie of the past few days, I wonder what the TNS poll will result in?

  27. Gavin Esler was sticking doggedly to the Big Beast theory of politics. It was good to see James Cook challenging that.

  28. Heavy breathing, nail biting,
    nose-picking, fly-catching,
    stuck for a snappy noun;
    taxing, oh taxing,
    a trillion pounds,
    of timetables, clipboards and frowns;
    better than a smile
    by a country mile,
    a smile from lugubrious Brown.

    • A bit O/T but I felt I had to share this. Yesterday a group of us got together for a day out at Perth Races. Most enjoyable except for a pro Nob orders speech by one Sam Moreshead the gist of which was as follows.
      He trotted out all the old canards,no plan b, businessmen will flee south, and I’ll need a visa to visit my maiden aunt on her death bed in Dorset to ensure my cut of her multi million£ inheritance. This was bad enough but with foodbanks and a handful of baked beans all that stands between starving weans in Glasgow and starvation,he chose to whinge that no tax cut was on the table for the people he represents that is the poor starving Gambling industry who out of the goodness of their hardened business minded hearts feel moved to place Fixed odds terminals by the 1000 in all the most deprived areas of our nation. An industry already so troubled by tax burden that they feel obliged to relocate in Gibraltar to avoid paying what the rest of us only glimpse as it slips out of our PAYE element of salary.

  29. I wonder if North British Broon will be bringing Ian Davidson’s notorious bayonet to the discussions? Or Wee Action Krankie Davidson’s Line In The Sand? Or even the two LibQuislings Bruiser Carmichael or Booker Alexander? All committed to lots more powers for Scotland – NOT!!!

  30. I have read your blog Derek first class but what is more important they are not going to fool the ordinary guy in the street again. IT IS GOOD NIGHT VIENNA>

  31. lastchancetoshine

    “I had a dream in which Gordon Brown stood up in the Commons”

    You’d have to be dreaming to have him actually turn up in the house of commons, never mind stand up.

  32. I remember going to see my MP in 1997 for help on a matter that could have cost me a large sum of money, and when I entered my MP’s surgery in the Lochgelly centre I came face to face with the right honourable Gordon Brown Chancellor of her majestys exchequer, he stood and shook my hand with a warm and firm grip and said how can I help you John? I thought I would faint how the hell did he know my first name, a whisper from his secretary never entered my head, all I knew is that the chancellor knew my first name.

    That seems like a very long time ago and looking on another persons memories, things have changed , I have changed, Im not sure for the better, certainly Im more (much more) cynical now, which makes me very sad, and I hold people like Mr Brown wholly responsible,

    I dont know if I prefer the clear sight of knowing that the BBC lies to me and that I cannot trust a word the politicians say, having the scales ripped from your eyes is painful and you wish ,oh how you wish you could wake up in a famous five novel and realise it was all a bad dream and go back to reading your latest Biggle book.

  33. I have to agree Derek, big bairn broon has seen better days. In the dark days before we could speak freely with each other in debate, creating meaningful dialogue via internet, there was labour and tory. We in Scotland, where the streets were paved with coal dust, were forgotten by the big bairn type politics that exists in London, where the streets are paved with gold. Blinded by the shiney streets Broon started to see the world in a different way, a world where he could live amongst the lords and ladies on the streets of gold. He forgot all about his former life and became a tory, only visiting Scotland to deride the people because they had not managed to clean the coal dust from the streets or from the minds of the people. Big bairn Broon had gone so far from home that he did not understand the language or the ways of the people. He had forgotten what it was to be equal to his countrymen and tried on many occasions to try and persuade the people to be just like him and get rid of the coal dust in favour of gold. The people laughed at the big bairn broon saying ‘Ye cannie put gold on the fire an expect to keep warm!’ YES for Scotland, no to old politics Scotland out of Europe.

Leave a Reply