The Tories Are Coming

It’s a Tory surge…they’re going to have more MPs…hunners and hunners o’ them…The bonfires are being lit on the hilltops and the message of despair is sweeping up the length of the country – the Tory Army is coming, led by Mad Dog ‘Fluffy’ Mundell. Bury the silver. Herd the ewes into the forest. Hide the portrait of Chairlie under the boards.

The opinion polls may just be having fun with us but I suspect not. The tsunami of 2015 has abated somewhat and the survivors are regrouping. Their dam wall is built around the candidate with the best chance of resisting the next flood and, like all walls, it will have partial success. There will be scattered remains after the torrent has passed. In places it will be the SNP who will be swept away – Aberdeenshire? Moray? Perthshire? The Borders? MPs will be lost, some of them no doubt pals. It’s a precarious business. Those streams of votes that float some and sink others are the arteries of democracy itself – for better or worse. Just ask Michelle Thomson and Natalie McGarry.

But need we despair? Some argue it is crucial to resist these upstarts and give no succour to the imminent majority down south – one I think we will soon be safe in categorising as a One-Party State…But not me. There are a number of reasons why, strategically, what will be seen and reported in dutiful lapdog Scottish Press mode as a Tory Revival, is good for Yes.

First of all, if it proves correct and a handful of Conservative MPs make it to Westminster, how did they get there? Primarily because of the collapse of Labour is the answer in most cases. The Tories are still bumping along with little more support than they had in Thatcher’s day – it will most likely go higher but it is struggling to reach the levels one expects of a traditional and strong opposition. In other words around 30 per cent.

The Tories are relying on the disaffected from other parties to back them for one last tilt at resistance before the inevitable. People are frightened of what is coming – self-government. We should never underestimate how profound is the contempt of our fellow Scots for what we like to call our nation. The idea that it might be self-governing with no outside help from emotional props they rest on – reassuring Radio 4, Big Ben, public school sang froid and good manners – has them palpitating. They will vote for the BNP if it will halt the Scot Nats. And even where the Tories don’t lie second, you have to give Ruthie credit for claiming the mantle of No Surrender Unionist-in-Chief. She has claimed the copyright on the Union in spite of performing screeching handbrake turns on everything else.

For the SNP the heart murmur that represents Labour shows how they have successfully taken on and crushed what was only a handful of years ago, a monster rearing above all else on the political landscape. This is an historical triumph. Labour may not be in decline so much as slipping into the grave, to disappear for ever. Now I would in all circumstances always prefer a Labour government in London to a Tory one, even under Jeremy. But I no longer vote for a government in London. It is of secondary importance to me. And I of secondary importance to them.

The key point to recall is that with either no MP at all (1997) or a single MP since, the Tories have only had the moral ability to control Scotland utilising the support of Labour Unionists. If Labour had truly put socialist ideals before party advantage – and their innate hatred of Nationalists – they would have opposed the Tories rigorously and threatened to opt for separation if their demands weren’t met. Instead they became the facilitators of Tory excess in Scotland with the apotheosis coming in the greatest single miscalculation in the history of Labour – the 2014 Better Together campaign. They held Scotland back and were appalled at what the people made of their Holyrood parliament (backing real powers and rejecting the pastiche of Scottish democracy Labour intended).

So the death of Labour removes from the field the one thing that has confused the picture – a left-of-centre pro-devolutionary party directly connected to the seat of power at Westminster. Without Labour, the games board is stark and unequivocal – progressive independence versus doctrinaire, anti-European right-wingery.

This is the ground on which the SNP can fight along with any other progressive independistas like the Greens. The logic is that, once the right-wing Labour voters have scurried off to vote Tory, those that are left have little choice to resist draconian neo-con policies except by voting for independence parties. Or, of course, not voting at all.

And, when taking on the Tories, the one thing you need is to present them as truly difficult enemy. That’s near impossible when they don’t have more than a single MP in Scotland – like trying to demonise Corbyn, it’s not easy when nobody takes him seriously. However, if there are 10 or a Dirty Dozen popping up on telly and making a noise, on a screen near you, the scare factor is palpable. They become an identifiable opponent that demands to be opposed, rather than something that happens far away in England.

The other advantage is that they will finally face the kind of scrutiny that they avoid today because the media is happy to connive at the idea that Davidson is somehow not responsible for policy-making at Westminster so can body-swerve awkward questions. Just see how uncomfortable she is over the rape clause. With a small platoon of MPs, no studio can be avoided, no question dismissed. Accountability returns.

Those of you who remember the 80’s and early nineties will recall the dwindling band of Tory MPs who held on in the last redoubts of Britnat loyalty in Scotland. Some were eccentric, some were stark raving bonkers and the grotesque image they presented deeply damaged the brand. Something similar could happen again judging by the standard of recruitment evident in their MSP selection. It doesn’t take the public long to realise they are being sold a pup.

All this, remember, against the background of an overwhelming SNP majority of, proportionately, four to one. Whatever the actual number of Tories returned, it will be marginal, leaving yet again a massive number of SNP members representing a massive mandate for independence – one that will be heard loud and clear in Brussels even if it is again ignored in London.

And doesn’t that then open up the idea laid out in the Bateman Broadcasting podcast this week on Newsnet.

It is that, instead of waiting for a request for a referendum to be met, the Scottish government calls a general election when we know the outcome of the Brexit talks, in under two years time. It says to the Scots: This is your chance. Either you follow the mad Tories down the road to ruin or you stay in Europe by voting for our independence. And that is our mandate.

With a clutch of Tory MPs making that dread future all too real for us, enough Scots will open their eyes to the trap the Union has become and finally trust themselves to run their own country.

A Tory revival? Bring it on.

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Defcon One, Please

By way of explanation (of yesterday’s blog) I want to make clear I am not deviating from any prescribed path towards self-government. On the contrary, even a cursory read makes obvious that I’m using the election to claim our independence – surely the objective we all share.

I do not advocate UDI. I never have. It only applies in extreme cases where the world community realises all democratic means have been exhausted and there remains no other option. That is far from the case with Scotland. Such is our constitutional position that I believe even a referendum result requires to be endorsed by the current state – the UK – before the world will recognise us. Only then will other nations see the way clear to shake our hand. Rogue actions will not suffice.

Nor am I attempting to subvert some constitutional process by declaring the idea of a referendum null and void. It remains the most likely avenue to guage opinion and secure the mandate. I support SNP moves to achieve one.

However, I am trying to upgrade the political messaging – to Defcon One, if you like. At the moment, by endlessly pleading with a tin ear government in London for the right to consult our own people, we play their game. We make it sound as if our objective is indyref2 itself when it is of course independence. May and her team have proved themselves impervious to reason and enemies of democracy – using it only as a means of self-advancement even when they legislated to avoid snap elections. She isn’t listening to Sturgeon and won’t until the Brexit process is over and it’s too late.

To her we are bleating about needing her permission to hold a vote. Please, please, Theresa. Be nice and say Yes.

We are currently utilising Defcon Three – Force readiness upgrade above the normal. That means we’re angling for action and getting ready to repel. (Sorry about the warlike tone) It does not mean we’re deadly serious here and you’d better believe it.

Weaponising (here I go again) the general election to say every SNP vote is a demand for independence strengthens the case and drags the referendum issue along in its wake. In other words Defcon One – War is Imminent. (Are you scared yet?)

I see no contradiction in letting the SNP carry on with their politically correct requests for acknowledgment for a popular vote from Her in Downing Street and hundreds of thousands of voters declaring that for us it isn’t about the method of delivery any more. It is the actual hard fact of independence we’re voting for and we consider every single vote an endorsement of that ideal.

If we openly argue for national self-government while others emphasis a referendum, then one supports the other. Voices complaining that this is splitting the campaign miss the point. There is only one objective but there are multiple voices and approaches to achieving it. We don’t all think the same way and it would be spooky if we did.

I’m not disagreeing with anyone who wants a referendum but I am changing my emphasis away from a cri de cour for someone else to deliver my civil rights to a statement that I and others want an SNP or Yes majority to be taken as a mandate – one that no democrat can ignore. How many elections can we win hands down and still be angling for another referendum – like dookin’ for apples? I see the Unionist Press now indicates that the loss of any SNP seats, which seems inevitable to me, will be taken as failure and loss of credibility even if Yes parties win an overwhelming number of seats and 50 per cent of the vote. They, on the other hand, have only to win a seat or two or even hold Edinburgh South to claim a major victory. This is the world of distorted democracy we inhabit. I these circumstances, it seems reasonable to me to step up the game and leave London in no doubt what’s at stake in the June election.

To those potential switchers who need to be wooed carefully towards Yes – Hello, by the way – I simply say that the time to pretend the SNP is soft on independence to sway your vote is over. The stark truth today is that Scotland needs a lifeline to escape this horrendous Brexit debacle, and quickly too. Waiting to see what turns up in Boris Johnson’s briefcase won’t do. Hoping Liam Fox can sell enough electric cattle prods to Asian dictators isn’t the answer. Expecting this regressive Prime Minister, who is currently manipulating the parliamentary process for party gain, to turn into Scotland’s Mother Theresa, is for your dreams.

If you can’t hack independence in these circumstances, you never will. And that’s true for us all. For Scotland. This truly looks like the parting of the ways. Either it’s stepping off dependency into self-sufficiency in Europe or it’s downhill to right-wing hell. You personally might ride the storm but the country you know today won’t. The powers will go back. The privatisers will take over the NHS. Essential immigration will end and the tax take will decline. The demographic will age further. The London elite will organise what they can for themselves – as ever.

I’m not voting for a referendum. I’m voting for a country.

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Up the Ante

Well, this changes everything. We’re now staring at the carpet-bagging of democracy as a Prime Minister who said Now is not the time to Scotland (there are more important things to do) decides it is nevertheless the right time for her own agenda.

And why does she seek a new mandate? Didn’t she tell us the narrow Brexit vote was all the authority she needed – not only to pursue an exit but a hard one at that – outwith the Single Market and Customs Union. Now it seems that wasn’t the case at all. She will use the evidence of the opinion polls, which lay bare the collapse of Labour opposition, to endorse her no-holds-barred anti-EU approach. That’s a handbrake turn you’re witnessing.

Instead of using a limited majority to persuade other parties round to her case – as the SNP does in Holyrood –and allow opponents to ameliorate some of the harder edges of her full-on Euro idiots, she dismisses the result of the election held only two years ago in order to ram through her policies. Scots, despite a clearly expressed wish to remain in the EU, can go hang. Who cares about them? The imperative, as ever, is to do whatever is required to bolster the Tory Party which is exactly how that calculating coward Cameron got us into this mess.

And, with Scotland more or less out of her calculations because of the SNP franchise, this is an England-only election in her eyes. That’s where the hotbed of racism and parochialism is to be found, mostly outwith the metropolitan centres. They are the seedbeds of discontent she claims to represent in her strident Britain First rhetoric. Cleaning up in England where the official opposition is scattered like post explosion debris, means dragging the other nations of the greatest union in the history of the world along with her, like it or not.

May is planning to use her mandate as grounds for table thumping in Brussels. (She will do it without the votes of EU nationals living here as they are excluded) When her threats and warnings of retaliation fail, she will reach for her inner Thatcher and invoke the voice of the British people.

Can we all intone together: Not in my name…

But why should we buy into her duplicitous agenda? She has throughout treated us with contempt and I’m tired of wringing our hands and MSPs running to the media to complain. This is political opportunism on a grand scale and whatever we vote in Scotland, she will ignore it. After all she already has.

If the SNP win handsomely again it will be the fifth election in succession won by the party from 2007 onwards. They have had an overall majority at Holyrood of their own and today have a pro-independence total. In 2015 they wiped the floor with the Unionist parties in the UK election. Before devolution the election of a majority of Nationalist MPs was taken as the benchmark for a mandate to split the UK and set up a separate state. In fact in 2015 they got 56 out of 59. It now seems probable in addition they will claim overall victory in the council elections next month.

Does there not come a point when the consistent level of electoral success marks more than a generalised approval for a party and turns into an effective mandate for its key objective? It’s the Unionist themselves who continually warn the SNP is really about independence – forget all the other policies, only one counts, they say. So are we being played for fools by hoisting ourselves on a referendum? It gives all the power to our opponents who won’t devolve the general powers to stage one and neither will they grant the one-off authority. You couldn’t have a clearer contradiction of democracy given the level of mandate Yes has commanded for a decade.

Now the SNP did say a vote for them in 2015 wasn’t a vote for a second referendum, it’s true. But I begin to wonder if, based on those relentless electoral successes – the very definition of democratic mandates – the demand should go beyond a referendum and instead be a call for full independence.

The 2014 referendum set the precedent of course, so there is a logic to that continuing to form the process we follow. But the Great Democrat in Downing Street has denied us that chance, at least until it’s too late and we depart the EU. An enhanced mandate will reinforce her will upon us. We will be mute, our hands tied, our will frustrated while she engineers the downgrade of our economy and closes down open access to our European neighbours. This generation of Tories have engaged in an act of national self-harm and done so for internal expediency. They lied their way through the referendum. They have turned widespread concerns about Europe’s political direction into an out-at-all-costs imperative. Xenophobia is now a familiar media riff. Families are being deported as I write – people disappeared for not having the right papers. Sound familiar?

Do Scots continue to beg for ‘permission’ to ask our own people if this is acceptable or would we rather find a home of our own inside the EU? In the face of Tory chicanery, I lack the respect for them and their process to keep on seeking their approval for a democratic right. I lack the sense of inferiority to treat them like masters who know best. They ignore our election victories, even when the results are filling their revered green benches. They dismiss our request for an escape route.

Shouldn’t we bypass the failed referendum route and upgrade our demand?

The delicate, softly-softly approach is terribly correct and I know that’s how the world of diplomacy likes it but there is now a listening ear in Brussels which was once deaf. If it hears a clear demand from a duly elected parliament in part of a member state being ignored – again – is not the basis of the EU, as a guarantor of democracy, challenged? In fact do the normal protocols which dictate non-interference in the affairs of a state – as in Catalonia/ Spain – still apply? In our case it is the continuance of membership which is threatened by the Brexit vote, something that does not apply in Spain or another member state. Can the EU really stand by and watch long-time members who have expressed a wish to stay, lose their European citizenship and get pushed out against their will? Whatever the diplomatic niceties, I suggest the image of the EU would be tarnished.

It’s clear to me that May will not relent on a free vote and will use her greater majority in June to crush it. Do we stand by and allow our argument to be flattened by those who are no respecters of democracy?

Let us take May’s lead. She seeks to use a General Election as a mandate for hard Brexit. Let us use it as a mandate for independence. Let us say a vote for an independence party in June IS a vote, not for another doomed referendum request, but for national independence.

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Call of the Wild

Back from the Easter break and a ream of memories from a sunny Perthshire – towering Scots pine against a blue sky, a Landrover up into the hills above Loch Tummel, ever vigilant deer herds staring hard at us, red grouse close by…boating on the loch, riding through the woods…alone on the golf course beside the Tay with woodpecker accompaniment from the beeches on the first nine and *ptarmigan calls from the larch woods on the return…dinner on Loch Tay…and several visits to a favourite bookshop in Aberfeldy, followed by a homeward stop for a distillery tour.

Like hundreds of thousands of others we escaped the city (where I’m told our nearest highway, Great Western Road, is the most polluted street in Scotland) to breathe deeply on the tourist trail – hardly news when the country faces Brexit catastrophe. But an escape does offer a fresh perspective. Our boat trip for example, from a new jetty on Loch Tay, is underwritten by the European Development Fund – a gentle reminder of ‘Brussels interference’. But, more significantly, I’m one of many Scots who now looks differently at our country since the indy referendum which charged our view of ourselves with renewed relevance. Suddenly the way the country looks, how it operates, and doesn’t, became political. Instead of just enjoying Highland Perthshire, we looked at it through the eyes of strangers and imagined what they saw, searching for ways of justifying our expected place among the independent nations.

Does this look like a normal, right-enough European country-in-the-making? Can we improve it? How can we entice more visitors?

It was and is an expression of pride in Scotland which the oxygen of the referendum fuelled. While others talked the country down, we took pleasure in declaring openly how much we loved it. Rather than just accept that Perthshire in spring is a place of beauty, we took to the internet to say so. It doesn’t sound much but, given our natural thrawn reserve, I think it was significant in helping us all feel part of a movement that celebrated the nation and whose sole purpose was to make it better. The air of optimism was important and a counterpoint to the cynicism and scorn of the Unionist campaign.

This instinctive public engagement leads to new ideas and provides impetus. Instead of our customary complaint of What Can Ye Dae? we took to agitating and creating answers. Imagine, we said, just what we could achieve with the ability here in Scotland to invest our resources in what we think matters instead of living off powers like income tax adjustment which were only surrendered for partisan reasons along with a block grant that lets English bigots on the internet and the media claim they subsidise us. The latest example is their objection to Scotland spending on Aids prevention drugs not available in England. Why should you get something we don’t when it’s our money you’re spending…

Reminding ourselves of what is wonderful about the place we live in spreads the idea that it is worth defending and nurturing – and that it is our job to do that. That means taking responsibility and the ultimate mechanism for that is independence. Part of the process is telling the world we’re here – come and look. Whatever you thought of Scotland and whatever you imagined Scottish nationalism to be, think again.

Which is why I shook my head in despair at a couple of items Twitter directed me to, bitching (the correct word) about Nicola Sturgeon promoting Scotland in the United States. They were by Labour commentators who belittle Sturgeon and by extension Scotland. Telling the world we don’t belong, that we only exist in the shadow of others and should never venture beyond our shores because we are not worthy is a message that can only appeal to a disaffected rump of readers. Experience of current affairs in a globalised world informs sane people that you have to engage internationally because that is the now the way of the world – our food is imported, according to the supermarket shelves, from Guatemala, New Zealand and China, never mind Europe. Our distilleries are owned by companies from the Caribbean to Bangalore. Twenty two per cent of our service sector companies are foreign owned. People’s own personal lives for business and leisure mean overseas travel and communication. One of our biggest industries is tourism bringing visitors from the States and elsewhere. What kind of dog-in-the-manger, dreary 1950’s outlook on life would you need to be offended by your national leader leaving the country to play some politics? (My first visitor on returning from Loch Tay was from the west coast of America. He was enthusiastic about Sturgeon’s impact there saying she had really impressed and he hadn’t known when Scotland was so centre stage. She was taken seriously as a world political figure.)

My suspicion is that some of these journalists don’t believe a word they write. They too live in the globalised reality and hop on and off planes but there’s a living to be made pandering to the darker instincts of extremist right wing opinion. And there’s people prepared to pay so long as you can prostitute yourself and still look in the mirror. What would be interesting is the reaction of the anti-Scot hacks if they were offered money by the other side. Would the same principle apply?

I suspect it would. And never underestimate the capacity for conversion among the most ardent adherent. One of the biggest transformations was Brian Wilson’s from SNP agitator in Argyll to anti-devolution Labourite – a phenomenon akin to Kafka’s Metamorphosis. Today there those like Tom Morton and Mike Dailly who have gone public with their conversion to independence despite brutal denunciations of its evils in the past. As countless Labour voters have found, once you step over the door, you never go back. Added to the release of knowing what you really believe, is the humiliation of realising you were had by the previous lot for so long. You are embarrassed by who you were and what you thought. The zeal of the reformed becomes real.

I wrote weeks ago about the conversations I was hearing and how people sounded deeply hostile to the SNP – beyond reason, I’d say, and sometimes armed with little information but plenty of prejudice. I’m sure that remains true but the flip side is a steadily moving glacier of opinion that may now be unstoppable. Day by day we hear of foreign politicians, academics, commentators and former opponents who, in assessing the likely impact of Brexit, can only conclude that it strengthens our case for self-government. Typically, they say: I’m not a nationalist. I voted (or would have) No. But Brexit is a dreadful mistake and Scotland has a chance to escape before it’s too late.

This in turn leads them to look with clearer eyes at our economy and its prospects. They then see that even without oil, Scotland is stronger than many existing EU countries and has massive potential to expand across all fronts, that non-Scottish decisions on for example, renewable subsidies being stopped, stunt our growth.

These voices spread the idea that independence isn’t just an option, it is seriously regarded by sane people without affiliations to be a preferable one. It makes it easier to answer the question from September 2014 – What are you afraid of? We now have a clear contrast. Instead of an albeit imperfect status quo, this time we have an impending disaster covering everything from the loss of satellite navigation (all our geo-positioning for sat nav, Deliveroo and every kind of device is operated by a satellite system open only to EU members) to the numbers of EU nurses applying for jobs in the NHS – down 90 per cent.

The tables have turned. Instead of Nationalists defending what seems like a risky choice and a rocky time, it is Unionists who have to justify the choice of economic suicide and a spaghetti disentanglement of regulation and agreements led by a band of ministers who don’t command their own party’s respect let alone a wider public. Many of the arguments for Brexit descend too quickly into prejudice and incoherence based around an inflated view of Britain and a barely disguised xenophobia. This is likely to be reinforced when the campaign hots up and metropolitan luvvies begin what will be an emotional appeal to stay British. They seem to have missed what Britishness has become in the eyes of the world…self-destructive, deluded, bitter (personified by Ruth Davidson), intolerant, right wing, rejecting parliamentary scrutiny and dismissive of its constituent parts. Our claim is strong enough but the wilful neglect of the Ulster question to leave the Republic with a headache after years of peace negotiations is unforgiveable, as the EU is making clear. And when even the Labour FM of Wales which voted No, weighs in – well, it shows you got it wrong. To the balanced voter weighing up his options, the prospect of independence in the EU is losing much of its horror when compared to the unfolding tragedy of diehard Britnats embarrassing the country on a world stage, kowtowing to dictators for business and knowingly taking us down a road to ruin.

The lack of effective opposition is disturbing as Labour fails in its principle duty to hold to account – it is the UK that resembles a one-party state. I can’t help feeling that Theresa May would benefit from a democratic block on her own Brexit idiots but it looks as if we will have to wait for the EU to provide that. Britain really is in a state these days.

Affairs will resolve themselves over the next two years and the only question is if that glacier of opinion can move fast enough to save Scotland. Springtime in Perthshire was a glittering reminder of how much that matters.

*Capercaillie. Sorry – city dweller.

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Eyes Right!

We are the boys who will stop your little game

We are the boys who will make you think again

So who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler

If you think old England’s done?

Drill Hall, Walmington-on-Sea.

Capt Mainwaring: Stand easy, men. I have here a piece of paper which represents the freedom of our country from foreign domination. No longer will foreign powers tell us what to do. This is a modern Magna Carta, supported by the Mother of Parliaments in the greatest country the world has ever known. Wilson! Will you pay attention… We have beaten the Hun without a shot being fired. From this day on England will be home to Englishmen and only Englishmen.  No swarthy types. No funny languages. No foreign muck to eat. Just good Christian people toiling together in factory and field. And a great many of them called Nigel.

Private Frazer: I’m not called Nigel. What aboot the Scots, eh?

Cpt M: I’m sorry, Frazer. You’re classed as an immigrant. And to be fair, you do speak a funny language and eat foreign muck.

Pte F: Foreign? That’s genuine Scottish haggis, man, made with the entrails and offal of real British blackface sheep.

Cpt M: Blackface, you see? I’m sorry but these are desperate days and there is no place for primitive Pictish types or foreign sheep breeds. Only pure bred English.

Pte Godfrey: I’m not sure but I think my aunt’s cousin was from Wales. Does that count?

Pte Walker, drags on fag: I can get a birth certificate altered for you. Got a mate in the Post Office. He can smudge a postal order to make it look like a zero’s been added.

Cpt M: Never mind that now. And Walker. Put out that cigarette. This represents peace in our time and freedom for our people. We are taking back control. And we’re doing it as Dame Vera celebrates her 100th birthday to remind us of our greatest hour.

Pte W: Our greatest hour? Do you mean Worker’s Playtime on the Home Service? Breaks me up that does.

Sgt Wilson: Yeees. I love it when they play Mantovani string numbers. Sooo romantic.

Pte Pike: Is that why you and mum go into the bedroom to listen to it?

Cpt M: Enough. I need a patrol of our bravest men to take this letter across enemy lines and present it to their leader. It makes clear we don’t want their goods, their money, or their directives. Well, we do in fact, it’s  just that we don’t want to pay for it and would rather not get a row from their courts for breaking the rules.

Lance Cpl Jones: I’ll show the fuzzy wuzzies, sir. Just point me in the right direction. Won’t give us a trade, deal, Fritz? Take that. And that. I’d force them to eat our scones and fruit preserves til it’s coming out of their ears. And I’d  stop the Germans from seeing our Royal Family on telly.

Cpt M: the Queen IS German, Jones.

L/C Jones: Well her husband isn’t.

Company: No! He’s Greek!

Cpt M: We’re going back to being an island nation, surrounded by sea, this sceptered isle. We will defend ourselves against all foreign invasion.

Pte Godfrey: Oh, I’m afraid I get sea sick, sir. I feel queasy listening to the Navy Lark.

Cpt M: Well, we’re on our own now. We’ll find a trade route from Kent through the North West Passage and import tea through the Suez Canal. Prepare for a generation of poverty and isolation, men. I’ve arranged for us to be entertained at weekends by Miss Katie Hopkins. This will be a long war but there can be only on winner. Smaller, poorer, unhappier and xenophobic maybe, but we will be free. Bayonets fixed! Wait til you see the whites of their eyes. Onwards to Brexit, men. Charge!









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